Dear Iris,

There are so many beautiful women out there that I fear I’ll never feel as confident as they do. How do I build confidence in myself?

Help, Natalie

Dear Natalie,

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt concern. Confidence is not something we are born with; it is cultivated over time through self-acceptance, practice, and belief in our own worth.

Your question reminded me of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, a woman who epitomized grace and confidence. Her presence was magnetic — not because of her physical appearance alone, but because of her poise, composure, and authenticity. Similarly, I’ve seen this quality in my own mother, who had a way of entering a room as though it belonged to her — not through arrogance, but through an elegant assurance.

Confidence is not about competing with others; it’s about embracing your unique qualities and presenting them to the world with pride. Here are three practical ways to nurture and build your self-confidence:

1. Cultivate Positive Inner Dialogue

Your thoughts shape your reality. Negative self-talk only undermines your self-worth, so begin replacing critical thoughts with affirming ones.

• Stop comparing: Every woman has her own unique beauty and gifts.
• Practice affirmations: Speak kindly to yourself daily. Say things like, “I am enough, just as I am. I radiate love and grace.”(1)
• Surround yourself wisely: Avoid people who belittle you, and instead, seek relationships that uplift and inspire.

Affirmations may feel awkward at first, but over time, they will help reshape your mindset and reinforce your self-worth.

2. Confidence Is How You Present Yourself

Confidence isn’t tied to perfection but to authenticity and self-awareness. Consider these steps:

• Believe in yourself: Confidence starts when you trust your abilities and accept your flaws as part of your unique charm.
• Prioritize manners and grace: Kindness, gratitude, and respect are timeless qualities that elevate your presence.
• Find your signature style: Whether it’s a favorite lipstick shade or a classic outfit that makes you feel amazing, discover what helps you express your best self.

Remember, real beauty begins within. Material possessions might catch an eye, but character captures hearts.

3. Build Others Up

One of the most powerful ways to boost your confidence is to help others feel confident. When you focus outward, your own insecurities often shrink.

• Praise freely: Acknowledge others' strengths and contributions.
• Celebrate small wins: Giving compliments, even for little things, creates connection and positivity.
• Offer kindness and service: Acts of love and generosity bring a profound sense of fulfillment and purpose.

By lifting others, you’ll find your own confidence and grace growing naturally.

Confidence doesn’t mean being flawless or admired by everyone; it means showing up as your authentic self, knowing that you are worthy. Take these small steps daily, and soon, you’ll feel more poised, empowered, and radiant — inside and out. You’ve got this, Natalie.

Warmly,

Iris ✍︎

(1). Affirmation quote from Danea Horn, CreativeAffirmations.com: “I am enough, just as I am. I radiate love and grace.”